It wouldn’t really matter how we behaved within the room as a result of our feelings if we were by ourselves in our room and we were melancholy or unhappy, for instance. However, I think it’s crucial to know how we handle those emotions and how we express—or don’t express—our wide variety of emotions because most of us truly interact with so many people on a daily basis.
Though it’s not that being dissatisfied, irate, or angry is inherently bad, how we express those feelings and how they affect our relationships matters.
Good relationships help you feel happier
The foundation of interpersonal therapy is the idea that positive, meaningful relationships will improve your quality of life. And if you have positive, meaningful relationships and are dealing with clinical depression or other mood issues, the symptoms will go away faster.
Areas that trigger a depressive episode
When people developed depression, the founders of IPT observed a pattern in which they were having issues in at least one of four distinct areas:
-Life changes (ex., divorce, job, or motherhood)
-difficult grieving,
-social isolation,
-Interpersonal conflicts.
Those were areas that would trigger a depressed episode. One of those four things was definitely happening at the time you started feeling depressed, if you could take a step back and see it.
Looking back, what were you doing that morning? The day before, what were you doing? Together, with whom did you engage? Did anything bother or stress you out?
However, occasionally feeling sad and severe depression are very different from one another.
Draw your social Circle
You are encouraged by interpersonal psychotherapy to draw your social circle and then ask some questions about it.
For those who are truly curious and thoroughly analyzing their relationships, it is quite beneficial. In that regard, the social circle is highly beneficial when considering relationships.
Your name goes in the center of what you sketch down on a sheet of paper. And you can arrange the individuals in your life in any of the three or more circles. Afterwards, you examine them and ponder them for yourself.
Following that, you examine them and ask yourself the following: “How would you describe your contact?”
Talking about what with that person?
You see them when?
What are your favorite aspects of the relationship?
-What about the relationship bothers you?
What else would you like to change?
The idea is therefore to view your relationships as a spectrum rather than as all good or all evil. It also allows time to consider the aspects of that connection that you would like to change. Furthermore, it facilitates the search for possible connections in your social circle with whom you haven’t spoken in a while and whether you truly felt their support and concern. Perhaps you’d want to tend to those connections once more.
Therefore, the social circle is a really dynamic piece of work because of the information you get from it. It’s also a place to look for help, care, and concern from individuals you can talk to or lean on in moments of difficulty.
Certain people have few relationships and relatively small social networks. It is critical for those people to start developing meaningful relationships and expanding their social networks, or inventories.
Identify your feelings
IPT promotes labeling or identifying your feelings as a first step. For instance, some people are naturally irritable; it’s easy to become furious, but it’s more difficult to figure out what other emotions you could be feeling beneath the anger. You may therefore be frustrated, dissatisfied, or depressed in addition to being angry. Encourage people to consider other feelings as well, which is very important.
A selection of numerous emotions is easily accessible for you to choose from.
You’ll really prevent a lot of arguments and conflict if you categorize your feelings, make an effort to understand them, and try to communicate them in a constructive way.
Ask yourself and others
Be aware of how you’re feeling by asking yourself, “How am I feeling?” Just what are you going through?
expressing the reason behind my feelings, Giving details on what was causing you to feel bad allows you to look at how you typically react next.
In such case, what takes place?
You thus have a chance to examine your emotional management style. I’m asking how that’s going for me as well. By examining how you handle it and then asking yourself again, how does it make me feel when I do it in that way. I can therefore properly assess and tell myself, “perhaps I want to try handling things differently”.
How do other people engaged feel? That then becomes the second question. It’s incredibly helpful to know how they felt when I was furious, upset, or short-tempered with them. It’s easy for us to blame others or not accept responsibility for ourselves. Therefore, it is very vital to be able to comprehend my circumstances and my emotions while still taking them into account.
What can I change?
Seek out areas where you might improve. Examining and wondering if there is another way. Is there another concept? Is there another approach?
You should also pay great attention to how you live your interpersonal style. Which way of communicating do you use? Do you have hostile exchanges? Interact by acting incredibly passively? Do you communicate by making an effort to be understood? Thus, it is quite significant.
And if you do interact differently, what effect does it have on other people? what could we do differently? We often get about as far as “I shouldn’t have done or said that”, which is why the question is so potent.
What should I have done differently? Asking it in an open and truly interested manner can reveal a lot of things. Why not find out from the other person what she believes you can do differently?
It is not necessary for you to be correct. Just figure out how to communicate more effectively and find a solution. Thus, by taking responsibility and expressing, “I really don’t want to argue, I want to understand what’s going on here, can you tell me what would work better for the both of us?” Those talks will be far more productive, I’m sure of it
Relationships are not equations of mathematics
Will the eventual outcome always be y if I do X for all time? No!
It’s still not game over if we attempt something and it doesn’t work. If we set out to try anything new and things go wrong, it’s not a permanent setback.
Be realistic
Find out what could go worst or best. How likely is the result?
Be realistically prepared. That’s one of the really crucial topics. When engaging with another person, expectations are everything. In any relationship—family, job, friends—it’s crucial to try to discuss your own expectations as well as what others expect of you. Thus, you two can truly comprehend and express what the other is seeking in the other. And you have to be realistic and ready for someone to treat you badly as well.
Recall that when two different minds and personalities are engaging in a relationship, it is always complicated. There are a great deal of variables because of the experiences of each person, which increases the possibility of expression and reaction.
It is within our ability to be better at communicating and expressing expectations or feelings. While we are powerless over how other people may respond, we are always in charge of how we allow ourselves to be impacted.
Being ready is a big asset.
I hope you enjoyed the concepts I presented here; they are all derived from or inspired by the book that I have linked to.
Everything that has been said in a more thorough and professional manner can be found there. You can also find instruments that you can use and strategies to widen your network of interactions, whether they are face-to-face or shielded by a screen.
by: Cindy Goodman Stulberg